486- The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

State-of-the-art- Any computer you can't afford.

Obsolete- Any computer you own.

Microsecond- The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

G5- Apple's new Macs that make you say, "Gee, five times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago."

Syntax Error- Walking into a computer store and saying "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object."

Hard Drive- The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, especially after a Syntax Error.

GUI- What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (Pronounced "gooey")

Keyboard- The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse- An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Floppy- The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

Portable Computer- A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.

Disk Crash- A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

Power User- Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.

System Update- A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.